I Do - Take You, and You and You....

Many second marriages involve the joining not only of the bride and groom, but the joining of any children they might have into a new blended family. To help include those children in the wedding planning, it's best to look long and hard at what type of celebration you are hoping to have, long before the actual planning begins.  

Will your ceremony include the children in active roles, or will the ceremony be focused only on you and your fiance as a couple?  Are the children older and grown, or younger and possibly living with you?  All questions which can help you decide how best to incorporate your children and possibly soon-to-be stepchildren into your special day.

Roles that come easily to mind are bridesmaids, junior bridesmaids and flower girl, for any daughters you wish to incorporate, and groomsmen, ushers or ring bearer for sons.  All roles that can make children feel like they are front and center and part of the action, regardless of their age. Though a word of caution, do not try to incorporate children, especially younger children, into your vows by having them repeat an open declaration of love for your new spouse.

Children's emotions can be mixed and heightened by the solemnity of a wedding, and while they may love your new partner, they may also feel a pull to their other parent.
Rather than put a child on the spot, which may make them feel like they are being disloyal to their missing parent, simply leave them out of the vow-taking portion of the ceremony, and include them in the congratulatory part of the ceremony that addresses your new family unit.

Another well-intentioned idea, that can highlight how special this day is for you all, is to gift each member of the family with a special ring or medallion that symbolizes your joining, similar to the tradition of exchanging rings with your new spouse, or the giving of gifts to your wedding guests in the form of wedding favors. To honor your new status, you also might want to extend your pleasure at becoming a family, to your guests in the form of a wedding favor that reflects the word family.

A wedding is a moment where you say "I do take you" - where there are blended families involved, you may have to say it more than once.

©2009 Weddingstar Inc.